The Hardest Thing
by Katheryn Mae
Summary: Cuddy loves Lucas, yet is having an affair with House. When she forces herself to choose, she knows either choice will affect both of them, positively and negatively. songifc. twoshot. Luddy. Huddy. season six spoliers - ish.
1. Chapter 1

AN: So yeah, everyone pretty much knows this isn't going to happen, because Micheal Weston is leaving abound episode ten, but I totally had a "what-if" moment when listening to this.

Thanks to HughLaurieLover and cassidyTVNut for the great ideas/suggestions - this story is decidated to them!

* * *

_It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do_

_To look you in the eye _

_And tell you I don't love you_

_It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie _

_To show no emotion when you start to cry _

-98 Degrees "The Hardest Thing"

* * *

House sat on his couch, a bowl of chips in his lap, and his feet up on the coffee table. Besides him, Cuddy was curled under a blanket, her head on his shoulder. They both looked content and relaxed, until Cuddy's cellphone buzzed from her jacket pocket. Getting up, she placed a gentle kiss on House's lips, before frowning at the caller ID and flipping open.

"Hey Lucas," she grimaced as his tone and turned towards House, a hurt look in her eyes, "No, I'm still at work, but I'll be home soon." House, taking this as his cue to allow Cuddy to leave. "Bye, love you." She clicked her phone shut quickly, and wrapped her arms around House's neck, pulling him into her arms.

"I guess that's your cue to leave," House kissed her lips gently, "I love you Lise." She nodded at him, grey eyes meeting blue, before she pulled away, jacket over her shoulder, and left the apartment quietly.

"Hey Lucas," Cuddy stepped into her living room, seeing him sprawled out on the couch, and she bent to give him a kiss on the cheek, "How was your day?"

"Good," he scooted over as she sank down besides him, "You?"

"Exhausting, House is being a jerk, as always."

"Ignore him Lisa. He's not different than the other department heads at the hospital," Lucas ran his fingers through her hair, "Why are you so particular when it comes to him?"

"_Because_," Cuddy sighed, "House is the one who is able to bring the hospital the most attention, we get the most grants for his department – if I _don't _listen to him, obey his every wish, then he could walk out on the hospital."

"And you'd rather be completely stressed over that, then possibly rick loosing him?"

"Yes," Cuddy responded quietly, thinking about House completely differently than Lucas posed him as, "I don't know what the hospital would do without him." She added quickly, thankful that he hadn't noticed her dreamy expression.

"You want to grab something to eat or do you want to make something?" Lucas asked, standing, hoping to change topic.

"I've actually got to head back to the hospital in about ten minutes, I just came home to grab something quick to eat." Cuddy lied, heading into the kitchen, "I should be home around eleven." She grabbed a microwavable lunch from the fridge, along with a bottle of water. Turning, Lucas' figure in the kitchen doorway made her freeze.

"Lisa, what about our plans for tonight?" He didn't try to sound hurt, but she knew that he was, "It's Friday, you said we could go see a movie tonight, and I told you that I was headed out tomorrow afternoon, so you can feel free to stay late at work."

"Rachel's sister can stay after five on weekends," Cuddy put the food into her briefcase, "Listen, I know we had plans, but if I don't finish up these reports by tonight, then the hospital is at risk." She kissed Lucas' cheek and hugged him loosely, "I'll get Rachel's dinner ready, I'd say you should -"

"I know how to make her dinner Lisa," Lucas retorted, his anger slipping through his mask, "Just go back to hospital if you feel that's where you need to be."

"What's with the attitude Lucas?" Cuddy set down her dinner, "If I don't get this finished, then I could loose my job. Everyone at the hospital could. Can't you understand that?"

"I can!" Lucas snapped, "But it seems like you're always leaving early for work, coming home late, or you have to go in and work late. When are you ever going to have time for me?"

"If I loose my job, then I'll have more time with you then I'd like right now." Cuddy sighed, her heels clicking as she made her way down the hall to Rachel's room, Lucas simply following her along. "I love you Lucas, I really do, and I love having time to spend with you. But right now, my job is important too, and I need to go do it." She kissed Rachel's forehead, seeing her asleep in the crib and straightened up. "Love you," she kissed Lucas' lips quickly and hurried down the hall, grabbing her briefcase and lunch on the way out.

_It's the hardest thing I'll ever had to do _

_To turn around and walk away _

_Pretending I don't love you _

"Trouble in paradise?" House came into her office at ten-thirty, and Cuddy sighed, her opened, but untouched dinner next to her. He sat on the edge of her desk, keeping his distance as if he expected Lucas to walk in any moment.

"I guess," Cuddy closed the lid on the Tupperware her dinner was in and dropped it into her briefcase. "Look, House, we need to talk."

"'_House_'? I don't like the sound of this." He stopped short, "Lucas didn't figure it out did he?"

"No, but I was doing some thinking on the way back over here," Cuddy leaned back in her chair, "We can't go on like this, me sneaking over to your place for an hour after work, all our moments together – Lucas is going to figure it out soon."

"Are you breaking up with me Lise?" House asked, not wanting to hear anymore of it.

"Yes," Cuddy stood and reseated herself on the desk behind House, "Listen, I love you more than anything, but I can't … we can't … not now."

"Then why not end it with Lucas?" House felt jealously burn in his throat, "Why are you doing this to me Lisa? I tried so hard to prove to you that we could have something, and you're still choosing him over me."

"For now," Cuddy stopped his rant, "Maybe in a month or two, we'll break up. But right now, I need to stay with Lucas, I can't afford to have him madder at me than he already is."

"You're going to regret this Lisa, trust me, you will." House stood, turning on his heel, slamming the office door loudly behind him.

* * *

AN: Let me know what you think! A shorter, happier part two is coming soon!

KM Wilson


	2. Chapter 2Epilogue

AN: Don't worry everyone, when there's drama in House-land, no one ever ends up happy! Remember that while reading this second chapter/epilogue.

As always, dedicated to HughLaurieLover and CassidyTVNut, and the latter especially, because she gave me the idea that made this a two-part story!

* * *

_I know that we'll meet again_

_Fate has a place and time_

_So you can get on with your life_

_I've got to be cruel to be kind _

-98 Degrees "The Hardest Thing"

* * *

She still hadn't told him, even though it had been a month since House had stormed out of her office. Nor, at the time, did she have any intentions of telling Lucas. Wilson knew, since House had spilled to him later that day, but after confronting Cuddy, he was sworn to secrecy. House rarely showed his face at the hospital anymore, he remained in front of his computer, doing differentials over web cam, along with conversations with the patients. Cuddy didn't like it, and nor did his team, but he refused to come into the hospital. He was, as usual, getting behind in clinic duty, but occasionally, he would receive a call or email from someone who had visited the hospital.

Though he was getting annoyed with it, Cuddy kept herself buried in her work, leaving at five-thirty in the morning and working until almost midnight, avoiding almost all contact with Lucas that she could. She had time during the day, when Lucas was most likely to call, when she could curl up on the couch in her office and nap for half an hour. Each day, he got more and more annoyed at her, but she ignored his protests, trying to push him further and further away.

It obviously hadn't worked, the more time she spent at the hospital, then the more time Lucas spent trying to arrange dinners at fancy restaurants, knowing that before she had begun her "workaholic" mode, she could almost never say no to their time together. When dinners, movies, plays – everything that they had planned to do – hadn't worked, he took the only option he had left. Marriage.

Lucas knew it was too early for them to began planning a wedding, hell, they had only been together for a few months. But, if they were married, then it would force her to spend more time with him. Or so he hoped. Even if she wasn't read, he hoped that she would stay with him until she was ready.

She didn't do either one of them, instead, she walked out of him apartment, and out of his life.

Now, Cuddy made her way across the hall, having spoken with House's landlord, to ensure that he was really living there, and not doing online differentials from some obscure place miles away. She stood outside his door, and without hesitation, unlocked it with the key the landlord had given her.

"Get out." House turned from the computer, his eyes frosty and narrowed, "You have no right to be here."

"I'm still your boss, unless you're planning on running your own diagnostics unit from your apartment." Cuddy shut the door behind her, "And, you were right." She sighed, and sank onto the couch, House's mouth hanging open when he realized what she meant.

"You ended it?"

"Of course, I told you House, it wasn't going to last." Cuddy leaned into the couch, "He wanted to propose, already; we haven't even been together a year. I refused point-blank. Lucas wouldn't take no for an answer, he said that I'd do it if it were you."

"If it were me what?" House joined her on the sofa, noticing how exhausted she looked.

"If you were proposing to me, he thought that I'd say yes in a heartbeat," Cuddy gave a short laugh, "I told him that he should have paid more attention to me and reminded him that I wasn't looking for a serious, long-term commitment."

"You ended it over that?" House was surprised, and, to both his and Cuddy's shock, he went on. "You could have been happy, something you've apparently failed at so far, and you turned down what could be your only shot at ever being happy."

"I couldn't be happy, not with him." Cuddy admitted, "Nor with anyone else," she stopped, "Anyone but you." House froze and she went on, "When I was with you, I was happy, I didn't regret cheating on Lucas. You listened to me, and understood me – Lucas didn't do that – and I couldn't live with that."

"Cuddy," House stopped her, "happy isn't really my thing. You've known me for over twenty years, you of all people should know that."

"Being happy and making someone happy is completely different. Just because you don't do happy, don't mean you can't make me the happiest person in the world." Cuddy let a smile grace her lips, "You really do, House – nothing is more important than us when I'm with you."

"Funny, I remember hearing someone else say that about us too." House kissed her cheek gently, "Listen, Cuddy, you know this isn't the storybook ending that you're probably expecting when you get with the person you want to be with. You know how we are at the hospital, and I don't think our relationship is going to change that at all. We're going to fight, and most definitely, I'm going make you miserable." He cupped her cheek in his hand, "Are you sure you want this?"

"House," Cuddy leaned forwards, pressing her lips against his, "I've loved you for as long as I can remember, you're just repeating everything I've asked myself in the past month. Besides," she snuggled into his arms, "I don't do storybook endings. I like different."

"I'm glad Lise," House kissed her neck lightly, "I'm glad you don't do storybook."

* * *

AN: Total crap? Or good bounceback?

KM Wilson


End file.
